Chapter 6 “Practically Speaking”

While pregnant with my fifth child, followed immediately by a sixth, I wrote A Wise Woman, from which this chapter originated. Now I’m a grandmother of more than a dozen grandchildren, which includes eight granddaughters, a set of twins, and three teenage granddaughters. It was extremely exciting to begin revising the original Wise Woman book for young women— now that I have decades of wisdom and an abundance of the "fruits of my labor." "You will eat the fruit of your labor; blessings and prosperity will be yours," and share this fruit with you!!

So it was exciting when He led me to go take the final chapter, “Your Mother’s Teachings,” (which again, was written while nursing two babies, who are now both parents with babies of their own), to build this chapter— working through each point or topic or principle and choose only those which I can see has produced the most significant fruits and what I’m hoping you will benefit from as well.

Training

The way they should go. Raising a child to be a Godly adult takes more than discipline—it takes training. “Train children in the way they should go, even when they are old, they will not depart from it.”  This verse says to train your child in the way they should go, not “shouldn’t” go. Most mothers spend all of their time yelling at their child, telling the child “no” or what not to do. Instead of wasting time, invest in their lives and train them. By following God’s Word, you will prevent the need for a lot of discipline by simply training your children to know what to do and how to behave as a child of God!

Here’s an example I’ve shared countless times. When my sixth child, a son (who is now the father of four daughters), failed to come when I called his name, I didn’t yell, or repeat it, nor did I give up. Instead, with my baby daughter on my breast, I would get up, walk over and take his hand, walking this two-year-old towards where I had been sitting, saying, “Here I come Mommy!” “Here I come Mommy!” “Here I come Mommy!” This continued until whenever I called his name, it was his voice that would ring out, “Here I come Mommy!” and just as I’d trained him, he would come running towards me.

Training your child to come to you while saying “Here I come Mommy!” is probably the most important lesson to teach a child! Why?

Let me answer "why" by giving you a terrifying scenario that so many parents use, which trains their children for a likely fatality!  What if you train them by counting and while you're counting to ten, “1, 2, 3,” and you continue because they have been trained not to come, you continue, “4, 5, 6,” and as you're counting, the car that’s heading straight for them hits them before you finally get up out of your chair?!

Delayed obedience is disobedience pure and simple. As parents, we are showing our children how not to obey God, their Father, whom they can't see, but hopefully, you're teaching them to hear.

Investing your time now, no matter their age, the younger the better, of course, I believe wholeheartedly, will prevent heartache and the heartbreaking consequences in your future and theirs.

Lack of knowledge. God says, “My people perish for a lack of knowledge." Are your children perishing because they lack the knowledge of what they should do? (To learn more, read and apply the many examples in Workers@Home. Each example will help you to give your children CLEAR directions that will result in well-trained children that people praise you about, and a home that provides "hospitality to strangers!")

Making the Most of Your Time. Use your time while driving to train your children. Take advantage of your time to and from school and/or Sunday School (if you’re not yet in a position to keep them from teachers who often are writing on the hearts and minds of your children, who don’t share your values or beliefs). My grown children will tell you that we never listened to music while driving, so I didn't need to intervene in any arguments (and of course, there were no cell phones or iPads, so they learned to look at where they were going and, of course, listen to me). Instead, while buckled in, I used this time to talk to and train my children. 

For example, when I’d take all seven children to run errands, I would explain to them how they must behave when we got there. Asking the younger children while looking at them in the mirror, “Where do you stand when you get out of the car?” And the proper reply was, “I stand on the line next to the car.”

One of my favorite examples to explain what to do while your out, which still makes me smile is when my sixth child (again, it’s the same son who is now the father of four daughters), and when he didn’t stand on the line as instructed but ran out behind our van until his older brother (who I assigned to pair with him) told me. 

So rather than scolding or becoming angry, I took his little hand and told the rest of the children to go look around in the store while I went to the restroom. While walking all the way to the back of the DIY store, my intelligent 4-year-old son kept asking, “Mommy, are you going to spank me?” and each time I’d smile and assure him, “Mommy needs to visit the Ladies' room.” 

Once in the handicap stall, because it’s larger and usually had its own sink, I turned on the water and the hand dryer (to drown out the noise), so as soon as my little boy finished going potty, while his pants were down, I flushed the toilet and gave him three spanks since I’m a firm believer in, “spare the rod spoil the child.” Then, as we were exiting, I was comforting him, “Are you okay, Darling?” so the two women walking in assumed he’d hurt himself rather than reporting me to the authorities.

Needless to say, my little boy (and all his siblings who'd witnessed the discipline) always knew where to stand when getting out of the car, waiting to hold his big brother’s hand, and this training and discipline never needed to be repeated. Even more importantly, as a father, he’s taught his own daughters, whom I never once saw run off when we spent two weeks on vacation together! “You’ll know them by their fruits.”

The way he should go. If we do not train them where to go and what to do, disciplining them when necessary, can we honestly claim the promise, “Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old, he will not depart from it”?

I did away with childish things. Therefore, if we want to claim the promise above, we must teach and train our children by our example of how to put away childish things and make this our goal, as they witness how to grow wisely into adulthood. “When I was a child, I used to speak as a child, think as a child, reason as a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things.”

Never once did I ever say that my children were expected to do anything, only “while living at home,” “while you’re in my house,” and training them to foster a rebellious and dishonoring scheme thinking or expressing they could then do whatever they wanted “when they moved out,” or any common nonsense most parents shout at their children.

Everything I took the time to invest in each of my seven children was intended for them to enjoy a prosperous adulthood and be the best spouses they could be. "You will enjoy the fruit of your labor. How joyful and prosperous you will be!" 

Here are a few ways I carefully trained my children by focusing on these character qualities:

Working with Diligence

Teach your child to work with diligence. Diligence means to do things with "enthusiasm, enjoyment, excitement, delight, devotion, and fervor." This enthusiasm needs to be instilled in their lives early to really take root. 

Here are a couple more examples, once again, using my sixth child. When I called out, “It’s time to get a book,” which was code for “you’re taking a nap,” he was far too intelligent, so he got it right away, and he didn’t respond with enthusiasm. Even though he'd call back, “Yes Mommy!” his tone was sad, whiny, or crying. So each time I made him repeat it with enthusiasm again and again and again, while smiling, “Yes Mommy!!” I taught him to run to kiss me, grab a book, and hop up on his *brother’s bed, who’d read to our youngest three.

More than once, I had to get up, take his hand, and respond for him until he did what he was told to do enthusiastically. I needed to be diligent to ensure that when he became an adult, he would do everything—especially things he didn’t want to do—enthusiastically, with a smile and a great attitude.

Let me tell you in complete honesty, this little boy whom I spent the most time investing in (due, I believe, to his intelligence) is now the most amazing father and husband! I know everyone says that about most fathers and even some husbands, but every single person who has witnessed my son (in his role as father to four daughters), especially his own mother-in-law and father-in-law, says they’ve never seen a better father. Even when he was put to the ultimate test, having a set of twins, three girls under 3, it didn’t deter this man from exhibiting a heart and attitude of living his life with diligent enthusiasm.  

Good Work Ethics. Humble and train your child to have a good work ethic by giving each of them tasks that they must do every day. (For more ideas, read and apply the many examples in Workers@Home.) Sadly, mothers who only have one or two children very often do not require their children’s help with housework or yardwork. By not teaching them to do “their” part and contribute to the family so you can spend time together working and then having fun together, I promise you will greatly compromise your children’s future, and you'll miss the fruits all parents hope to see when their children become adults.

Since I’m not sure if I covered this example in Workers@Home, I’ll take a moment to invest in your family by sharing our routine for meals. Each child was taught to take their plate to the kitchen and go back to pick up something else on the table (because it’s not about becoming self-sufficient but being a family and caring for each other). After all the dishes were off the table, each child had a task as we worked as one well-oiled machine! Within a matter of just a few minutes, the kitchen and dining room were perfectly clean and ready for the next family meal. 

During our clean-up after our morning and at noon meals, we often memorized God’s Word, which again kept everyone focused on their task. Which, by the way, was the same task they did over and over. Rotating jobs is a hornet’s nest of trouble that produces thorns—fighting that “it’s not their turn” and why you should avoid this popular parenting method. Again, “You will know them by their fruits. Grapes are not gathered from thorn bushes, nor figs from thistles, are they? Even so, every good tree bears good fruit; but the bad tree bears bad fruit." 

Wanted and needed. When you don’t do things yourself but make sure you get your child’s help, it shows your child that they are wanted and needed. There is a chapter in Workers@Home that will help you to implement a system with your children that kept my home running in perfect order for more than 20 years! It’s called The Right Method: The Tasks in Hand.

Responsibility! Having work to do every day teaches your child to appreciate what they have, and this, in turn, teaches them responsibility! In addition, if you make it possible for them to earn what they have, they will care for it and appreciate all that God gives them in the future. For example, I made sure that our children paid for sports uniforms and the sign-up fees, orthodontic retainers, and many of their own clothes. Now that my children are grown, they are so grateful for this lesson. They actually bring this point up to me over and over again—each time, THANKING me—amazing!

Let me invest my time in each of you by sharing another wonderful story that every one of my children knows about and talks about often now that they are raising their own children. When I was alone and abandoned with four small children, I was literally poor. I am sure many of you can relate. That’s when my three boys told me they wanted to play soccer. I had no desire to take them to practices (gas money), and I honestly didn’t have money for the uniforms and shoes, etc. Thankfully, by this time, I realized I didn’t just have a Savior I could cry out to or a Lord to obey, “call me Lord,” but I had a Husband, “like a wife forsaken and grieved in spirit.” So alone in the evenings, I asked Him what to do.

The next morning, I told the boys they could play soccer, but they’d have to earn their own money for the uniforms, the fees, everything. To be honest, I just didn’t see how they could raise it (and I am not sure, but I may have told them that asking their grandparents was not allowed because they were retired and on a fixed income). This was money they must earn. So they began asking neighbors on our dead-end street if they could sweep their sidewalk or take their trash down to the dumpster, or bring their groceries in from the car. But it was my son who was the most eager to play, who offered to clean out the neighbor's car, which resulted in them earning more than enough money.

My son assured the neighbor that it was one of his chores he did really well (because he'd been trained). I’d taught him to gather all the trash and also everything from the middle console and glove compartment and on the floor, so he could wipe down and sweep everything while I sorted everything else, and then he’d put it back where he’d found it.

This time, he had his trash in a bag and also what was in all the compartments in another, but it was the bag of coins—the big bag of coins—that she was shocked when he handed the bag of coins to her. She said, “Wait, you’re giving me this bag of money?” In complete innocence, “Yes, I found them in your car.” That’s when she got her wallet, paying him much more than agreed on, and then—handed him back the bag of coins for being honest!

What kind of man do you think this son and all my sons are today? Not only have most started their own businesses, but the honesty and diligence are what have made them successful enough to be a one-income family, so their children could have their mothers at home to raise them. Yes, “Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old, he will not depart from it” and be known by "the fruits of your labor."

*Being read to by his big brother was twofold: first, they could snuggle and have a real person read to them to give them each a deep desire to learn to read (each of the three is a voracious reader).

Secondly and more importantly, my "Uniquely and Wonderfully Created" older child was just learning to read at 12 years old. Moms, if you have a "Uniquely and Wonderfully Created" child, be sure to click on the link to this new book to "be encouraged" and see just how He uses "all things together for good when we love Him and are called according to His purpose," knowing your child was by Design.