Chapter 1
“My Story, Raw and Real”
This is not my weekend to have the children with me. I’ve been a divorced, single mother for more than 3 years now, one of those years without full custody of my children. I was sitting and drinking coffee with my Heavenly Husband, or just my Husband, asking Him, "Where do I start" and "How do I help women going through custody battles and are facing losing custody of their children?" And He told me to start at the beginning and to tell my story, raw and real. So let me obey and begin my story….
It started almost two years ago. My children went to visit their dad, Kevin, and the OW for the weekend like they always did. At that stage, Kevin and the OW were living together with her two children. Her daughter is a bit older than my daughter and her son is in between my daughter and son.
Like other Sundays, Kevin brought the children back that afternoon. Normally he would come in, hang around a bit and drink coffee before he left. But that specific day, he came in, didn’t want anything to drink and just said we needed to talk. I just knew something bad was about to happen because I saw the "hate wall" up again that wasn’t there for a long time. And then he started to talk; I cannot even remember everything he said because I think I went into shock… I think I lost consciousness (while still standing upright). I just remember hearing that he couldn’t afford to pay everything he offered in the divorce settlement anymore and that it would be better for the children to go and stay with them…I cannot afford to look after the children and that I should go and live with my brother 100km away...and that the children WANTED to go and stay with them and loves him more and are happier over there.
But before I continue, let me first talk about the divorce and the original custody agreement. Kevin filed for divorce, and I had to go and pick up the documents at a lawyer’s office in my town. I quickly looked over the documents and saw that it was the normal custody set-up; kids would stay with me, and he gets them every second weekend, and school holidays would be divided between us with the normal birthday and Christmas arrangements. Then there was a list of things he offered to pay. I didn’t have a lawyer and we never discussed custody issues or anything else; everything that was in the settlement document was what he offered. I signed and Kevin came to pick up the documents and that was it, no arguing about custody or demands or anything. Although he offered to pay a lot of things, I knew it wasn’t enough to provide or pay for everything, but my Husband provided in miraculous ways. No, we didn’t live in luxury, but we had what we needed.
One thing I do remember clearly during the divorce was that Kevin promised that he would never take the children away from me, that I am a good mother and there was no reason for him to take the children away. I can’t even remember why he said it, but it is something that stuck with me, and I guess that is why I was so shocked when he came to talk to me that Sunday afternoon.
During the separation and after the divorce, I never kept Kevin away from the children. While he still stayed in the same town as us, he always stopped here after work, drank coffee and ate something if there was extra food, I knew he was here for the children and tried to stay out of their way, but sometimes I was not so sure because he followed me everywhere making small talk, but that is beside the point, he always knew he was welcome to visit the kids or take them an extra weekend, what was stated in the settlement was not what I followed. I knew my children missed their dad and for their sake, I was very lenient with regard to Kevin seeing his children. I didn’t want to make it more difficult for the children than what it already was. Seeing them crying at night or jumping up when they heard the gate to see if it was their daddy just broke my heart into a million pieces.
Just before the divorce, I already found RMI, read the Restore Your Marriage book, did Courses 1 and 2 and was busy with a C3 (cord of three), and that is where I encountered the Facing Divorce course. I think, like all the other ladies that come to this ministry desperate and broken, I did not want to think about divorce, but even if Kevin did see changes in me, it soon became my reality because he said it was “too little, too late.” And therefore, I started reading the Facing Divorce book, and what I read made an impression on me and sank straight down to my heart. It helped me to face the divorce and get through it with my Mighty Counsellor, who fought for me and gave me the strength to go through it without fighting.
But let’s get back to that Sunday afternoon.
To be continued…
Please go to Facing Divorce Course (Facing Divorce Course – HopeAtLast.com)
