Chapter 2 “Not Long” Uniquely and Wonderfully Made

As promised, I hope to make this second chapter a bit more "Fun & Entertaining" so you will come to know "our Pat" and how perfectly the picture on the cover is what He led me to choose. We'd left off with me sharing how, because of Pat's "special" not "needs" but skills "for such a time as this," each of my siblings had the opportunity to come to say final goodbyes, with the opportunity to say and hear "I love you" to and from my father. One sibling, my oldest brother, was where I pulled the chapter name "Not Long."

One afternoon, while visiting my father, Pat came in. I was sitting on one side of the bed and witnessed the conversation. I'll do my best to write it down, though it's best when you hear the story. 

My father had the front room with a hospital bed, a tall table for serving food, and a dresser to keep all the supplies needed. On the other side, there was a single chair for visitors. On this day, I was visiting my father, and we were talking when my sister Pat came into the room, and I saw my father’s eyes light up. I watched my father follow her walk around the bed and turn his head to where she was busy restocking some supplies, then she turned and began straightening his sheets, when my father excitedly said, "Erin, look who's come here to visit—it's Mike!!"  

Speaking to Pat, my father excitedly said, “Mike, how have you been?!” 

“Fine.” Completely flat with no emotion whatsoever.

"For the love of Pete, how's Annie?!!" (Mike's wife)

 "The same." 

"How long can you stay?!"

"Not long."

There may have been more to the conversation, or this may be all that was said when my sister abruptly walked out just as quickly as she came in. That's when God used my sister's ability "for such a time as this" to bless my father and my siblings with lasting memories we all cherish. Moments after Pat left the room, unmoved and just being "Pat," my father turned to me, and I saw tears in his eyes. "Wasn't that wonderful?!" “Did you see who came to visit?!”  

I replied, “Yes, I did!" Then stood up, "Dad, can you excuse me? I’ll be right back.” Once I got out in the living room, I sent one of my boys to visit or read to him, explaining I had to make an important phone call. My mother was watching, but I was on a mission as she heard me call CBS Studios in Hollywood and ask for my brother.

My oldest brother was working as a film editor for the morning news with Connie Chung, and taking a phone call was only for life and death situations. When my brother answered, he said, “When did he pass away?" (meaning my father). I replied, "He hasn’t, but YOU just came here for a visit. Dad thought Pat was you here visiting, and I’ve never seen him so happy." Immediately, Mike said, “Annie and I will be on the next train” (my sister in law didn’t fly). 

True to his word, Mike and Annie arrived in Pensacola a few days later. After visiting with my father for several hours, a few of us went out to dinner. Just as we were about to walk into the restaurant, my brother stopped me as he pulled out a cigarette. Everyone continued walking in, but he stopped Annie, "Stay here, you need to hear this too."

"Erin, I just want to thank you for never giving up on me. Even though I never mailed you a gift or responded with a congratulations card, you continued sending one baby announcement after another, "Praise God, we have a new baby," “Another baby, praise God!” "Please welcome our new baby." Without fail, every couple of years, we'd hear from you. All this time, having all these children and without any help from the rest of us (meaning our five other siblings), you cared for Dad, and today you made it possible for me to tell my father I loved him and hear him tell me, 'I love you, Mike.' Erin, you're the one who made it possible for Dad to live nine months longer."

What Mike was referring to is when my father had a stroke, and only came out of a three-day coma when we decided he needed to die at home. So I hatched a plan that my mother agreed to. After signing every paper imaginable, stating I took responsibility for putting my father at risk and had been told he would die, I went into his room, “Dad, Dad, it’s Erin,” I whispered, “Do you want to go home?”

“What do you think?” and he opened his eyes. Bringing him home to die resulted in him living another nine months—without any medication they said would mean sudden death. Thanks to my mother who served my father his meals, coordinated the daily hospice nurse, and kept everything going, along with me cooking and washing the endless sheets and my father’s bed clothes, and also my children who read and talked to him.

The true hero "for such a time as this" was Pat. My sister Pat. The person whom everyone treated as invisible, unreachable, and not contributing to our large family, other than to hide her uniqueness from the outside world. 

Even though my brother thanked me profusely for calling and for not giving up on him, I am sure you would agree that the one who deserved the greatest thanks and our strongest gratitude was whom God called to be uniquely created! 

Unlike most of us, who would have foolishly tried to correct my father, Pat taught me something, and I hope her reaction will teach you something as well. Pat didn't try to explain she was not Mike; she was Pat— thus robbing him of the experience of "visiting" with his oldest child—Pat went right along with it. This funny exchange between my dad and sister, which my children and I often quote and laugh about constantly, is the most precious reminder of how beautiful and perfect Pat was made. Her lack of emotions and playing along resulted in not just my brother traveling from California to Florida, but each sibling also realized the importance of making the trip to say their goodbyes and to hear and say, "I love you" to their father.

My mother and I agreed that we would have no funeral since funerals are for those left behind. We quickly agreed that we wanted my father and his children to have time with one another. Knowing this story could potentially be sadder than laughable (as I said, it's funnier when you hear Pat's deadpan monotone voice, which is unchanging in pitch and without intonation or the "usual" rise and fall when most people are speaking), I will conclude with what God did to reward Pat.

Pat's reward for being our family's hero and what God had perfectly planned was fulfilling her lifelong dream to visit Ireland. Ten years after my father passed away and five years after my mother passed away (whom she cared for so my mother never had to go to the hospital and could pass away at home with me by her side), Pat moved up to live near us in Missouri and where she lived when God gave Pat the "desires of her heart."

While living in Europe, I booked a ticket for Pat to fly and spend almost two weeks with me in Ireland. And even before moving to Florida, my older sister sent her on a Disney Cruise; in other words, God made both her dreams come true. No, she never rented the Queen Mary nor paid for our entire family to go, which she loved to tell everyone with childlike excitement. What made Pat as special as she was to all of us was being the one person in our entire family who kept our parents from living their final days in a nursing home. Instead, because of the person whom God chose to make "perfectly and wonderfully," my parents were surrounded by my six, then seven children, home-cooked meals, sleeping in and passing away in their own beds.

Neither of my parents would have been comfortable with anyone else in the family doing what Pat did for them. So if you have aging parents and yours are not as blessed as my parents, it's because God didn't bless your family with an "Aunt Patty Cake," our most beloved and cherished member of our family.

The stories and memories Pat cherished in her last days here with us made her life meaningful to her, but she was the one who was meaningful to us, and I hope her life has blessed you, too. It's time to cherish each uniquely made child or adult because if we asked Pat, she'd tell you, it's "Not long," and you'll miss the opportunity to create lasting memories and find the real heroes living "uniquely" amongst you.